Oh my the good days. The good days are SO good. and oh my goodness isn’t it important to embrace them. Today is the second day back to lectures after the Christmas break and I wont deny my nerves at returning but I reminded myself how normal they are and reminded myself I have experienced them previously (as explained here) and it’s really helped keep things under control.
Yesterday was pretty good. All lectures attended, work completed, up early (following my plan to fix my sleep schedule) and nourishing food consumed. But it was somewhat plagued with anxiety, I didn’t push myself much and I was mentally exhausted by the time I returned home from lectures. But today, oh today.
I woke up later than expected after an insomnia filled night but I was OK with that and I didn’t feel any sense of guilt and I got myself ready for my lecture. I only knew one person in the module and had never even in the building before ~ que anxiety! BUT it didn’t get control over me. I reminded myself that other students are often in this position, I left in plenty of time so I had time to meet my friend previously and managed to carry out my deep breathing exercising and had mint tea before the lecture (nausea is so important to get under control!).
In the lecture I felt fully focused which is a rarity for me and THOROUGHLY enjoyed what I was being taught and even at one point voluntarily engaged in the discussion, something I usually despise doing. Following this lecture I had the related seminar. Seminars have always been my least favourite aspect of university and my previous attendance has reflected that but I felt pure motivation and determination to ace this. As I was walking to the room I saw another student who I’d noticed in the lecture headed the same way and I took the leap! I asked if she was headed to the same seminar, alas she was! We exchanged names and had a chat and found the room together. This then lead to use sitting together and working in the same group. Here I also took risks engaging in discussion and going out of my way to get to know the people around me. I haven’t felt ‘able’ to do this in years but I just felt such a positive response from initially tackling the anxiety that it became a continuous situation of positive feedback.
After the seminar I saw my friend for a little while allowing some down time which re-engergised me and meant I’ve spend the rest of the day writing up notes and doing pre-reading for next weeks lectures. And I LOVE my notes, I feel truly like I’ve processed what I’ve learnt.
I’m now having some dinner before I head down the bar to meet some friends and then have an early(ish) night.
Today is a good day.
I feel it’s so important for these posts to represent the reality of university life when you have difficulties and, in order to do so, the good times must be shown too! I hope you like this series and please give feedback if you want me to continue it as I am still very cautious.