hello, again

My gosh has it been a while since I sat down to write. Hi! How is everyone? I’ve wanted to and been eager to write for so long and yet I just didn’t? Life has seemed busy but also so quiet and I just haven’t found the time or energy! But I’m back and I’m so excited to keep writing.

I’m sat here thinking about what exactly I should update on, but I can’t really remember anything huge that’s happened so instead I’m just going to write and see what things come to mind. Now the reason I’m writing again is because of my therapist! I had therapy today and she very firmly told me I’ve got to find time for things I love. When you’re sick and asleep more often than not it feels like every minute should be spent ‘being productive’ and if not that then I’m usually too symptomatic to do anything else. But that’s changing, rest shouldn’t be earnt, rest shouldn’t just purely be for when you feel unwell, rest and joy should be a natural part of everyone’s week, and life. So, once a week I’m going to spend the night writing, one night will be date night with Erin and another night will be for letter writing. I’m also going to read every night, and hopefully get Erin to join me in that! I’m excited and hope it improves my overall wellness which I’ve no doubt it will.

Well as I’ve mentioned my therapist, I guess I’ll touch upon my current situation with my mental health. Since I was quite young, I have struggled with a myriad of conditions with periods I’ve been better and times I’ve been worse. For now, I’m at my baseline, struggling but not actively at harm and I’m so so thrilled for that as 2020 was rather horrific! I’ve been on a therapy program, structured clinical management for those who know NHS programs, for a few months and it’s been ok. Not all that I hoped but still helpful. It’s a mix of group sessions (which haven’t been very good) and 1:1 sessions (which have been incredible). The therapist I do my 1:1s with is just awesome and for the first time in my life I’ve been entirely open and honest and that’s been so good. I also finally got my correct diagnoses: Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (also known as borderline personality disorder), Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and partial diagnoses for Autism Spectrum Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Having these diagnoses has been so incredibly helpful to understand why I act and why I feel certain things. Of course, that doesn’t help with dealing with those symptoms, but knowledge is power. I am incredibly motivated to improve my life and with that comes determination to work on my mental health. I have a lot coming up! After finishing my current therapy course, I will be assessed (and hopefully accepted) for trauma therapy, I have a referral to a sleep clinic, a referral to finalise my ASD & ADHD diagnoses and get support, and work with other charities and organisations! It’s a lot but if it helps change things, I’m happy with that.

I guess on the topic of health I should update on my physical health. I haven’t talked much about my physical health on here, but I’ve mentioned my main diagnosis: Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. From EDS I also have a whole long list of other illness and just so much going on. Perhaps my main issue is my Gastroparesis which is a partially paralysed stomach and causes me to be unable to tolerate nearly all fluids and a lot of foods. Frankly if I started to discuss everything going on this would be 100 pages on and I would be depressed! But I have a lot of referrals and treatments lined up. I’m working on my physio which is the main management for EDS, I am getting an occipital nerve block for my chronic migraines, I am being referred to a better gastroenterologist, I’ve got lots of investigations and so many other things. My physical health is something I want to talk about more and hopefully help raise awareness but not here and focusing on only one thing at a time!

Now onto a brighter subject, what have I been doing? Erin and I recently moved to another flat and its gorgeous! We were so in love with our last flat and sadly had to move due to our landlord’s family having some struggles and we honestly never thought we’d find anywhere else we’d love so much but we have! It’s a little smaller and sadly without a bath (I miss baths and bath bombs so much!) but it is closer to the town, our doctor’s surgery and the local hospital where I have some appointments so that’s a lot easier! It also has a garden which is amazing and happiest of all we’re allowed a cat! We haven’t got one yet as we want to unpack and decorate beforehand, and we’re keen to rescue a kitten but there aren’t any available at the moment. We recently celebrated Christmas here and although sad we couldn’t be with our family it was just lovely and so much fun decorating for the festivities.

My dad also took Erin and I on holiday in July and it was absolutely gorgeous. We also saw my mum, brother and my brother’s partner for a few days, and it was so lovely especially having shielded for so long! I think I might write a post about it as I have some stunning photos I want to show off!

Honestly, I’m getting tired now so I’m going to leave this here. Erin & I haven’t got anything planned that’s coming up but we’re both just excited for the year coming up! And I can’t wait to write and catch up with you all again soon.

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